As I’m writing this post I keep changing my tactic, trying to see it from different points of view, shifting perspective. This, I must confess to you (and to myself) is because I am not at all easy with this part of the process.
In truth I am naturally a very rash person - a ‘leap at will’ person - but also quite an intuitive person. However I had a very sensible upbringing. It seems these two forces are not mutually reconcilable. Here is the crux of the problem for many creative types - their heart is clear, but the ol’ how will I fund this / can I live on a quarter of my income / this is foolishness, grelims kick in and I, for one, am often sunk by them.
I think the only sensible response to this is dream big, dream creatively, but plan sensibly, with little steps. This is the negotiated settlement I have managed to agree with the warring factions in my head. Effectively small steps, baby steps. Then the dreamer knows you are moving in the right direction, albeit slower than you really want, but on the other hand you are not jeopardising your house and food and heating bills in the process. It’s an uneasy truce. But it’s a start.
And that is enough - to start - to keep taking those steps. A leap is exciting and the danger exhilarating, but as I get older and have more commitments I find I don’t always have that luxury. But it doesn’t mean I’ve given up. On the contrary I am more committed than ever to my dreams, in spite of the doubts, in spite of my desire to leap - I walk the line, because at the moment that’s necessary. And now, as I’m writing this, I accept that this is an ok place to be - the place to be - and my anxiety about my lack of leaping evaporates.
So be peaceful with your own style. It might be leaps, it might be pauses that keep you in a duff job for far longer than you want. But keep dreaming - because that is at the heart of all the steps we make.
Angel lives in the UK and is having fun bringing more of the things she loves into her life.
This was good to read, Angel. I'm always thinking about how to reconcile the magical and the practical, so I like hearing your thoughts about it. I like hearing that you can feel more committed than ever to your dreams even while taking only small steps. Thanks!
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